That great idea. You’ve had it going round and round in your head for weeks and it’s time you asked someone else’s opinion. So over a coffee you blurt it out in all its glory. Your friend sitting opposite you listens, nods a few times, and then opens their mouth:
“Yes, but the problem with that is…”
You respond with why that’s not a problem.
“Yes, but have you thought about (some reason why it won’t work)?”
You say you’ve thought about it and you can get round that.
“Oh right, sounds good then.”
You leave the conversation feeling a little bit deflated and feeling like you shouldn’t have told someone the idea so early on.
Something I’ve unconsciously been doing to avoid those kinds of conversations is to start my sentences “yes and” instead of “yes but”:
“Yes, and what you could also do would be (some slight adjustment on the idea)”
“I hadn’t thought of that, and if I did that then I could…”
“Yes, and have you thought about …?”
A simple change from ‘yes but’ to ‘yes and’ can flip a conversation around and lead to a much more positive experience. It’s important to have conversations with people when the idea isn’t fully formed so that through conversation you can improve on it.
I was asked to give a talk at a graduation ceremony at Birmingham University a few weeks ago, and I was racking my brains for a handy piece of advice to give, and this was it:
Just say “yes and”, instead of “yes but” a little more often and see what happens.
For me, it’s lead to all sorts of things – Type started because of a “yes and” conversation in a record store, and I’ve just moved to London for a new startup because of a “yes and” conversation at a party last year.
Oddly, a few days after my talk I came across the Yes And Club, a group that organises events in London I’m guessing on that same premise and I’ve been invited along – I’m really looking forward to it.
So, I’ve decided that my new year’s resolution is to say “yes and” a lot more than “yes but” in 2010. You?
Tweet an MP
The Digital Economy Bill for me is the single-most anger inducing piece of proposed legislation that I’ve yet heard – it includes measures to block ‘locations’ on the web (whatever a location is), effectively allowing web censorship at a Government level, to remove the rights of small creative people to decide how their work is exploited (photographers are particularly worried), to disconnect people on accusation of copyright theft and could potentially lead to free WIFI providers being unable to continue offering their services in public places.
But unfortunately I and many people like me feel unable to get our voices heard in criticism of the issues involved to effect change on the issue and to stop this legislation going through.
So – for those MPs who are on Twitter, I apologise in advance for what may occur, but here is “Tweet an MP” – it’s Chat Roulette for democracy. Log in via Twitter, type something in the box (sub-120ish characters) and it will send the message to a random MP who uses Twitter. I’m hoping we can get people to use it to raise awareness of our concerns in advance of Tuesday’s reading.
Crude, potentially spammy, borderline legal, fun? Definitely, and produced in 3 hrs over dinner using free software and hosting.