That great idea. You’ve had it going round and round in your head for weeks and it’s time you asked someone else’s opinion. So over a coffee you blurt it out in all its glory. Your friend sitting opposite you listens, nods a few times, and then opens their mouth:
“Yes, but the problem with that is…”
You respond with why that’s not a problem.
“Yes, but have you thought about (some reason why it won’t work)?”
You say you’ve thought about it and you can get round that.
“Oh right, sounds good then.”
You leave the conversation feeling a little bit deflated and feeling like you shouldn’t have told someone the idea so early on.
Something I’ve unconsciously been doing to avoid those kinds of conversations is to start my sentences “yes and” instead of “yes but”:
“Yes, and what you could also do would be (some slight adjustment on the idea)”
“I hadn’t thought of that, and if I did that then I could…”
“Yes, and have you thought about …?”
A simple change from ‘yes but’ to ‘yes and’ can flip a conversation around and lead to a much more positive experience. It’s important to have conversations with people when the idea isn’t fully formed so that through conversation you can improve on it.
I was asked to give a talk at a graduation ceremony at Birmingham University a few weeks ago, and I was racking my brains for a handy piece of advice to give, and this was it:
Just say “yes and”, instead of “yes but” a little more often and see what happens.
For me, it’s lead to all sorts of things – Type started because of a “yes and” conversation in a record store, and I’ve just moved to London for a new startup because of a “yes and” conversation at a party last year.
Oddly, a few days after my talk I came across the Yes And Club, a group that organises events in London I’m guessing on that same premise and I’ve been invited along – I’m really looking forward to it.
So, I’ve decided that my new year’s resolution is to say “yes and” a lot more than “yes but” in 2010. You?
Yes and…
That great idea. You’ve had it going round and round in your head for weeks and it’s time you asked someone else’s opinion. So over a coffee you blurt it out in all its glory. Your friend sitting opposite you listens, nods a few times, and then opens their mouth:
You leave the conversation feeling a little bit deflated and feeling like you shouldn’t have told someone the idea so early on.
Something I’ve unconsciously been doing to avoid those kinds of conversations is to start my sentences “yes and” instead of “yes but”:
A simple change from ‘yes but’ to ‘yes and’ can flip a conversation around and lead to a much more positive experience. It’s important to have conversations with people when the idea isn’t fully formed so that through conversation you can improve on it.
I was asked to give a talk at a graduation ceremony at Birmingham University a few weeks ago, and I was racking my brains for a handy piece of advice to give, and this was it:
Just say “yes and”, instead of “yes but” a little more often and see what happens.
For me, it’s lead to all sorts of things – Type started because of a “yes and” conversation in a record store, and I’ve just moved to London for a new startup because of a “yes and” conversation at a party last year.
Oddly, a few days after my talk I came across the Yes And Club, a group that organises events in London I’m guessing on that same premise and I’ve been invited along – I’m really looking forward to it.
So, I’ve decided that my new year’s resolution is to say “yes and” a lot more than “yes but” in 2010. You?